8 Quick & Easy Questions to Ask Your Homeschool Teen About Their Social Life
As I’m sitting down to write this, my 15-year-old is apple picking with three friends while my 12-year-old and 8-year-old are at a fall festival with their hockey teams. They are all having fabulous fall weekends. But, this week we’ve also seen dozens if not hundreds of pictures of their peers in homecoming dresses and suits preparing for dances they can’t attend. While homeschool teens certainly have opportunities for social interaction, they’re not following the same path as their teenage peers in traditional school settings.
They do not see the same children every day for several hours.
They do not go with those same groups for sports and dances on weekends.
They do have many weekend nights where they are home with us.
The question is: Does every child need the same social opportunity to develop?
The Many Perspectives To Consider
As an occupational therapist, developmental norms and milestones are important when considering how to help a person participate in what they need and want to do.
As parent, providing social opportunities is important when thinking about personal well-being both now and in preparation for the future.
As a homeschool parent with a neurodivergent son, it is important to consider each person as an individual.
As a person with positive public-school memories, it’s important to share our routines and rituals with our children. My husband and I are middle school sweethearts. He was on the varsity basketball team, and I was a dancer at a studio with no school sports. We have great memories of our high school football games and every dance; we attended 9 together.
These multiple perspectives show why the social opportunities provided by the public school system weren’t and aren’t just an easy “Nope, that’s not needed” or “other social opportunities are totally fine”. Our desire for our teens to have the same opportunities for fabulous memories seemed like important milestones. We were even excited about the possible conversations around our kitchen table comparing our youth experiences with our kids.
Reframing Social Experiences of Homeschooled Teens
One thing we’ve come to realize is that homeschooling doesn’t mean isolation. Our kids and teens are involved in a variety of activities, and they are continually engaging with others. They may not see the same friends every day at school, but they interact with peers through various avenues, from sports teams to community events.
My daughter went to prom last year. All our children have been to high school football games. My daughter and her friends have organized an “end of the school year” dance for 3 consecutive years. We could simply say, “well, they still have the same opportunities,” but the reality is these events are still different than the cultural norm.
So, as a family, we’ve learned to adapt and reframe our perspective on what constitutes valuable social experiences for our children. We still have conversations around our kitchen table, reminiscing about our youth experiences, but now the focus has shifted to understanding our children’s unique needs and priorities.
Evaluating Social Well-Being
To ensure that our children are socially thriving, we regularly ask them a series of questions:
- What does contentment mean? Are you content? This helps us gauge their overall happiness and satisfaction.
- What is your favorite memory of last year? Who was involved, and would you like to make it a tradition if possible? This question uncovers the moments that truly matter to them.
- What is your favorite thing to do when you are alone? Understanding their solitary interests is just as important as their group activities.
- What is your favorite thing to do with a group? This helps us identify the kinds of social interactions they enjoy the most.
- How do you feel when you see large groups of people you don’t know? We are curious about their comfort level in unfamiliar social settings. We also want to know if they feel like they are missing out
- How do you feel when you are with groups of your friends? This question helps us understand their dynamics in more comfortable environments.
- Are you lonely? Addressing feelings of loneliness is crucial to their social well-being.
- What is your top priority right now? Knowing their current priorities helps us tailor our support to their needs.
Homeschooling: Meeting Unique Needs
The mission of HomeschoolOT is to help families use homeschool support to help their children be successful in what they specifically need and want to do. In our personal homeschool, the Collins Academy of Excellence, we remain steadfast in our commitment to this mission. We understand that each of our children has distinct needs and aspirations, and we continue to tailor their educational journey to suit them.
Thus far, our reflections and assessments have not led us to reconsider our choice to homeschool. Our children are growing and thriving in an environment that values their uniqueness, where their social experiences are as diverse and individual as they are.
In the end, our family’s homeschooling journey has taught us that there is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to social development. What matters most is that our children are given the space to become their authentic selves. Homeschooling allows us to do just that, and we look forward to seeing how their unique experiences shape their lives and future kitchen table talks with their kids.
