Co-Regulation and Parenting: Building Strong Parent-Child Connections

Imagine a scene where a parent tries to navigate the complexities of getting their baby on a schedule and achieving those longed-for, full nights of sleep. While organizing routines might seem like the ultimate goal, my friend Gigi reminded me of the real goal, connection. It’s not just about the schedule; it’s about understanding and responding to your baby’s unique communication cues.

Understanding Your Baby’s Communication

My conversation with Gigi gave me a fresh reminder about emphasizing more than structured timing. She advocates for the power of close physical connection, encouraging holding your baby even during naps. This might sound daunting, especially with the countless chores piling up. But she offers practical solutions like using a carrier to balance nurturing with getting things done and readily asking for help when needed. It’s about fostering that vital closeness while ensuring you aren’t overwhelmed.

Self-Regulation for Parents

Now, shift your focus to the parents. Parenting is no easy feat, and self-care often becomes a distant priority. Recognizing this, Gigi and I explore ways parents can calm their own nervous systems. Ever heard of heavy work and proprioception? These practices can ground and stabilize a parent amidst the whirlwind of parenting duties.

One significant revelation from Gigi’s journey is the importance of self-regulation. As a working homeschool mom, she advocates for doing the personal work that allows you to co-regulate with your child effectively. Whether it’s eliminating environmental triggers or modifying expectations and preparations for challenging activities, these steps are pivotal. Gigi emphasizes that observing, communicating, and modeling are fundamental in nurturing self-regulation in children, thus laying a strong foundation for their preteen and adult years.

Recognizing and Managing Triggers

Picture a scene where triggers loom in everyday life. Gigi shares personal anecdotes about recognizing these triggers, seeking therapy, and employing self-soothing strategies such as deep breathing and singing rather than resorting to yelling. By understanding their children’s triggers, narrating their feelings, and providing choices, Gigi shows how parents can foster a calm and supportive environment.

I shared another aspect of this, highlighting the use of declarative language, setting timers, and monitoring children’s exposure to potentially triggering content in TV shows and toys. By providing cues for transitions, parents can ease disruptions and foster smoother routines.

Gigi’s Professional Journey and Homeschooling Insights

The conversation also delved into Gigi’s professional journey. Transitioning from a teacher to a doula, driven by personal childbirth experiences and inspiration from her sister-in-law, Gigi now offers postpartum support and education. For new parents – especially those without a robust support network – her presence is a cornerstone of reassurance and knowledge.

Her homeschooling journey arose from the realization that traditional schooling didn’t align with her children’s needs. Essential in her practice is ideating the concept of ‘self-care as basic needs’. Gigi implores parents to go beyond eating well and maintaining hygiene, emphasizing the importance of social interaction and personal hobbies as part of self-care.

Embracing Major Life Changes and Self-Care

With major life changes, such as welcoming a new baby, Gigi and I discuss the transformation and disorientation parents experience. By focusing on self-care, parents can better co-regulate with their children, creating a nurturing and balanced environment for all.

A Heartfelt Reminder for Parents

To our wonderful listeners, this episode serves as a heartfelt reminder that you’re not alone. Whether it’s through holding your baby close, taking therapeutic breaks, or tuning into the nuanced needs of both you and your children, parenting is a journey. And every step is an opportunity for connection, growth, and mutual love.

Until next time, remember: it’s not just about managing time; it’s about cherishing those moments of connection and understanding, fostering a safe and nurturing world for your children.
Stay tuned and stay encouraged!

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OT is IN #29: Parenting with Co-Regulation

In this episode my guest, Gigi Vincent, delves into her role as a homeschooling mom and postpartum doula, emphasizing self-regulation and personal growth as vital components of co-regulating with children. She shares practical tips on preparing children for challenging activities, recognizing and eliminating triggers, and modeling emotional regulation. We also explore the delicate balance of parenting, co-regulation, and the importance of understanding and responding to both your own and your children’s emotional needs.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Getting Babies on a Schedule and Sleeping Through the Night
• Common concerns from parents about schedules
• Importance of understanding and responding to babies’ communication
• Holding babies for naps and establishing close physical connections
• Asking for help and using carriers to take breaks from holding
• Calming a parent’s nervous system through heavy work and proprioception
• The importance of self-regulation for effective co-regulation with children
• Eliminating triggers and preparing children for challenging activities
• Importance of observing, communicating, and modeling self-regulation
• Seeking therapy and using self-soothing techniques (e.g., deep breathing, singing)
• Understanding children’s triggers, narrating their feelings, and allowing choices
• Communicating and modeling feelings
• Setting timers and monitoring children’s environment for triggers (TV shows, toys)
• Using declarative language for transitions
• Importance of meeting basic needs as self-care for new parents
• Defining and finding self-identity amidst parenting and homeschooling challenges
• Importance of Social Interaction and Personal Interests
• Beyond basic needs: social interaction and personal interests for self-care
• Mindset shifts post major life changes (e.g., having a baby)
• Self-care, co-regulation, and transforming to support children better
• Creating a calming presence for children’s safety
• Equipping children with emotional regulation skills from personal experiences
• The significance of relationships in parenting
• Helping parents attune to their babies and understand infant behavior as a doula
• Self-care and journaling as crucial resources

Links and Resources From Today’s Show

• Why Should I Seek Occupational Therapy?
• Sensory Regulation Tips for Parents
• Sensory Balanced Focus Group from Homeschool OT
• The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind
• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk 
• Co-Regulation as a Tool for Fostering the Development of Self-Regulation Skills
• The Power of Co-Regulation and Interoception
• Episode 13 Beyond the Five Senses: Understanding Your Child’s Interoceptive World with Cara Kosinski

Connect with our Guest, Gigi Vincent

Gigi Vincent is a postpartum doula, newborn care specialist, and lactation educator committed to shifting the disparity between the amount of focus most families place on birth versus preparing for the fourth trimester and the parenting years. Gigi is a homeschooling parent to three amazing children, and she loves to work with parents as they find their way to thrive.